A perspective on hurt, forgiveness, and the responsibility of a parent

I have waited for several days to post on this, as I wanted to enjoy the holiday break with my family and allow a little time to get my bearings on this issue in order to speak to it without using raw emotion as my only motivation.

There are two open letters recently published which speak on a very personal level to the issue of abuse of power within the Church hierarchy. The first, posted here provides the first person point of view of a father of children abused by Rev. Donald McGuire, SJ. The second, is a letter to the editor of the Chicago Sun Times published here. (scroll down to letter titled "Church needs to search soul")

The letter to the editor uses only 3 sentences to perfectly identify where the entire Church community is on the continuum between hurt and healed. My friends, this 2007 Thanksgiving was not celebrated in an era where systemic institutional corruption within the Church is a thing of the past. It thrives and continues to enable the kind of events that horrified us in the past.

I attended Mass at St. Rose in Perrysburg with fellow parishioners from United Parishes 2 years ago, and the pastor filling in for Fr. Leyland that day implored those of us wearing the yellow "Together We Can" buttons to look at this as a time for healing when talking about these events that are a blight on Church's record.

I am not a priest, and cannot speak as one. I am a father though, and can speak as one of those. Priests are not fathers (not paternally anyway) by design, and therefore can tell a father of a child who has been abused by a cleric that this is "a time for healing" without comprehending what he is instructing.

Such instruction is tantamount to the conductor of a wrecking train telling passengers and bystanders that this is "a time for healing" while the train is still wrecking; AND while there is another train coming down the tracks unaware of what is unfolding in front of it.

It would go a long way if the Church personally understood from experience that the moment a man becomes a father, or a woman becomes a mother, that they are tasked with 1 absolute responsibility for which failure is not an option:

1. Protect their child from any form of harm.

That means any or all of the following and plenty more:

• illness
• falls
• burns
• electric shock
• kidnap
• online predators
• cuts
• bruises
• rye's syndrome
• head lice
• traffic
• bullies
• graphic violence and sexuality in movies and television
• unhealthy food
• lead paint
• rashes
• pink eye
• aresenic in playground equipment
• contaminated drinking water
• contaminated air
• pollution in general
• lead paint again
• lead paint yet again
• and just when you thought there was no more lead paint, lead paint yet again
• toys with parts that can cause choking or stop breathing
• lead paint
• inadequate insurance for healthcare needs which may arise for any number of reasons including but not limited to exposure to lead paint
• drunk drivers
• distracted drivers
• flu
• allergies
• bee stings
• mean dogs
• I could go on but hopefully you get my drift by this point

The point is, a parent must always be one step ahead of whatever danger is out there. For this reason, all parents decide where there is potential risk, and where there is safety from that risk. When the danger embeds itself within the boundaries of safety and disguises itself as a protector, a parent is most vulnerable.

If a parent is ever concerned that they may have failed in their 1 task above, there is nothing like condescension and platitudes to make this situation worse than it already is. Can a celibate hierarchy understand this? If they could, would the ones who tell us it is "time to heal" be able to look us in the eye when they say it?

What needs to be done to protect parish communities

Click this link to find out more.

Note the portion of the article which demonstrates the inconsistency of the diocese which says:

"A diocese spokesman said the crew, which returned to Columbia Station empty-handed, had been hired to remove the windows and other sacred items, put them in crates, and place them in storage for future use.

The workers again showed up at St. Mary’s Tuesday morning with a van and a trailer, but the parish’s ex-members turned out in force and the workers left. Sally Oberski, a spokesman for the Toledo diocese, said the workers were there to clean up water in the basement. But several ex-parishioners said the crew had set up scaffolding around some windows and had taken the Stations of the Cross plaques off the wall."


Click this link to see a slide show of the events outlined in the article. Note the scaffolding placed by the windows which is no doubt, only there to help workers clean up the water in the basement.

Also,Click here to find out what the diocese considers fair play with the funds for parishes that they close.

A tip of the hat to Junction

Why oh why hasn't the diocese learned that they just aren't supposed to take what does not belong to them? A message to the diocese: If you do not want things like what took place in this article (click to read) to keep happening, than why don't you start conducting the church in a way that restores trust. Taking property just because you believe you have the right to (which you don't have the right to do in this case) just isn't going to win you any friends, much less the hearts and minds of those whom you depend upon for generosity.

St. Mary's: A Junction To The Past, A Junction For The Future

As I stood inside the sanctuary of St. Mary in Junction, Ohio; I looked in awe at the beauty of what I was taking in. As I looked through each of the stained glass windows, donated by families and other members of this historically rich parish community, I felt as though I stood in the middle of the crossroads between the past and the future. The sanctuary was empty, and has not been worshipped in since July. But it is still completely intact, and had it not been for the chill in the air or the small puddles of water in the basement, one might not be able to tell that this was a closed church. After all, why would it be? It is in immaculate condition, and the stained glass is world class. It isn't the biggest church I've ever seen, and it isn't the most decadent either. We can save those types of buildings with all of their splendor for the lavish and luxurious expenditures of the hierarchy with their fancy robes, flashy jewelry, and the rest of their royal architecture and attire. This place is a magnificent monument to the will of this Junction community to have a place to gather and worship God together. I stood in there wondering if it would be the last time I would ever see it; and thought about what a tragedy it would be if it was.

I remember when we at St. James were told during a similar moment in our recent history that if we were not willing to do all that it took to preserve what is ours for our children and the future of our community, than perhaps His Excellency made the right decision. Never. Never. Never. Nothing about pillaging St. Mary of her windows and stripping her of her parish identity is right either. Nothing. Now it is up to the good people of Junction to save her. It isn't fair. They didn't ask for this burden. We are here for you; and we will support you. Together as one community of God, we will not fail.

To find out more, click here

Conference DVD's are available

If you would like to order a DVD of the 2007 "Together We Can" conference, fill out the form at this link.

Priest of Integrity

Pastor is named a 'Priest of Integrity'

Stanbery honored for speaking out
By JOE VARDON BLADE STAFF WRITER

"The Rev. Stephen Stanbery has railed against sexual abuse, parish closings, and an alleged murder cover-up involving the Catholic Church.
His fighting of these and other injustices has apparently landed him both a national award and a stern reprimand by Toledo Bishop Leonard Blair..... "


So lets make sure we've got this straight. A problem doesn't exist as long as nobody talks about it. A problem is only a problem if someone talks about it. And in that case, the problem is only the person who is talking about it. Do I have that right?

Congratulations Father. The diocese does not yet realize that the framework of their criticism only serves to validate you, and discredit themselves. This award is well deserved and long overdue.

Click HERE to read the whole article.

Thank You

I would like to extend a very special thank you our conference speakers:

Dan Thiel
Claudia Vercellotti
Tony Comes
Patrick Wall
Ginny Hoehne
Anthony Kosnik

You were instrumental in making our 2007 "Together We Can" conference such a success. I would also like to thank everyone who attended. Your participation and commitment is very appreciated.

If you would like to provide feedback on how we can improve the conference, please go to http://www.unitedparishesohio.org and fill out the feedback form there. Also, DVD's are being made and will be available soon. Go to http://www.unitedparishesohio.org to request a copy.

Don't forget to register for the conference!

Click here to download a flyer with a registration form. We look forward to seeing you there!

Controversy Spawns Public Discussion/Debate in Toledo

With so many events going on in the Toledo Diocese involving matters of importance to the Cahtolic Church, many opinions are being expressed. The letters written to the Toledo Blade here serve as an example.

This is a trying time, not just for parishes in the Toledo Diocese, but in the entire Church. Discussion on this is healthy, if the matters which have brought it to the fore front are ever to be brought to closure. Silence and complacency are what have allowed us to get to this point. Retreating back into the safety and comfort of silence only returns us to a position which enables power to be misused.

Such discussion may lead to productive dialogue, but we must be wary of the temptation to allow it to divide us into camps who hurl invective at one another. With faith in God, it is natural to need to trust the clerics who lead the Church. With each passing day, we learn of more people who have had that trust violated. When trust in the Church is compromised, the ability to believe that God is working through the Church collapses. To these people, the Church has forced them to choose between what God tells them, and what the Church tells them. This naturally sets them apart from those who still trust the Church. But members of both groups can still count themselves among God's children, and God loves us all; even if we don't want to behave lovingly to one another.

To bring these two groups together, a culture of secrecy within the Church must be replaced by one of openness and transparency. Trust is not built through secrets, it is destroyed by them. It is impossible to restore trust that has been destroyed by secrets, when Church leaders insist upon the protection of secrets caused the initial breakdown. There is no credibility or authenticity to an expression of remorse or desire for reconciliation when given by an individual who does so to cover their backside.

We cannot divide, for we are all God's children. Many in Toledo who have been hurt by the Church, have valiently called for openness from Church leaders to help them restore trust. Those whose trust has never waivered, can make this same call. It does not damage the Church that you love to require that it conduct itself in a dignified way.

Fr. Nuss did an admirable thing when he chose disclosure over sandbagging. Under the current culture however, one can only question whether the kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar has only expressed remorse because they were caught. Enough has taken place for us to know that what is not disclosed by force will remain hidden.

Back in the world

It's been a long time since I have posted on either this blog or the St. James Blog. I've been taking summer hiatus to get caught up on many of the other things that life has to offer, mainly time with my family while we experience yet another summer together.

This summer has brought many events that I hope and pray will translate into both happy and important memories for our two daughters. Some of them involved camping trips, roller coasters at Cedar Point, and swimming. One of the most moving experiences was a trip to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, filled with many emotional visceral expeiences that make you feel a sense of sorrow, wonder, hope, despair, and fear all at the same time. A great deal of thought went into the planning of this experience, which is a better word to describe it than the word museum. You walk out of there feeling as though you have a better understanding of the Holocaust experience.

I came home to read the latest installment of the Catholic Chronicle to read an opinion page letter submitted by a reader who is "Saddened by Picketing."

The closing of parishes is happening throughout the U.S., not just in the Toledo Diocese.

We are only too aware of that very unfortunate reality. She goes on to explain that

It saddens me when parishioners picket and complain loudly about it. Yes it hurts; you have memories connected to that parish and most people don't like change. We must go to another parish and we're so hurt and angry we forget we're blessed to have another parish to attend.

For those who see it this way, I must explain that the closure of parishes does not fit with Christs' vision of spreading His message of divine love and God's forgiving grace. Church is not created by numbers, it is created by community built on the foundation of Christ's promise to us.

The road toward accepting that downsizing the Church, one faithful community at a time is somehow good for the Church is one filled with potholes and lots of twisted logic. To appreciate this letter to the Chroincle editor, one must accept that if I were to cut off my right arm, that I should be grateful that I still have a left arm. The letter continues:

We're a Catholic community; we have to trust God has a reason for the closing. Maybe our talents, our presence are needed elsewhere.

God did not close the churches, Leonard Paul Blair did. God gave us the talent to build a thriving parish. Our experience with Leonard Paul Blair is that our talents are not desired, only unquestioning loyalty to clericalism. If talent were valued, it would make far more sense to prop up vibrant and thriving parishes such as Holy Rosary in Toledo, St. James in Kansas, St. Joseph in Salem, St. Mary in Kirby, St. Jude in Toledo, St. Casimir in Fremont, St. Paul in Hamler, and St. Mary in Junction (just to name a few) so that all could benefit from their example. Instead, they were cut down and their communities were scattered.

The letter goes on to make an appeal to pray for vocations. With my prayer for increased vocations, I will also pray that the culture of secrecy which thrives within the Catholic Church may be replaced by one of openness and transparency. Only through this will the priesthood be able to thrive again. For those who question whether or not it is appropriate to raise our voices about what matters, I will share a quote inscribed on a wall toward the end of the Holocaust Museum tour:

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

Maintain your comfortable silence if you wish; but it may come with a heavy pricetag. Will you be able to pay for it when it becomes time to settle up?

Mark Your Calendars

United Parishes will be attending a meeting next Tuesday, June 19th at St. Rose in Perrysburg to help organize support for Fr. Leyland. It will be at 7 pm in the basement of the school building behind the church.

On July 8th, United Parishes will be holding a rally to show support for parishioners from closed parishes and to tell the diocese to listen to the voices from viable parishes.

On Saturday September 29th, United Parishes will be holding the 2nd annual Fall Conference which will feature discussion on taking ownership of your parish.
Speakers to be featured include:
Fr. Tom Doyle
David Yonke
Claudia Vercellotti
Tony Comes

We are honored to have these wonderful speakers come and participate, and it is a priveledge to have them share their experiences with us.

Parish Closings in England

A blog posting by someone from the Church of England takes an interesting perspective on church closings. Since United Parishes is about promoting honest dialogue about church closings and educating ourselves on how these issues play out, this provides a perspective worth discussing.

"The Church of England has too many – far too many – churches and many of its congregations are too small to be viable. England has changed from a country in which the Christian population needs pastoring, to a country where the pagan population needs evangelizing. So we must ask whether the parish system is a suitable structure for re-evangelizing England."

Go to Voice From The Desert for more

Whose afraid of the big bad parishioner????

You might be surprised........I was.

Click here for more

The Catholic Patriot Act

Big Brother to tape Edwina Gately

Embracing a faithful calling

From the VOTF conference in 2005. This sums up so well why anyone who loves their Catholic faith might feel called to speak up for their parishes. For those who think that those of us who speak up do so out of a desire for power or hostility toward Catholic faith, I ask that you seriously consider this perspective. Perhaps the ability of the Catholic Church to do good is compromised by the actions her leadership........and should this happen, than those who love the Church and the faith may find that they have no choice but to become faithful adults, and do what an adult must do. To get full copies of all video from this conference, please go to
Resurrection Tapes

United Parishes announces the intention to hold their 2nd annual Conference this Fall

What should we do when our thriving parish communities are closed without any consideration for the community and their will to have church?

What should we do when we are shut out from decisions about dangerous people being given access to our children without our knowledge?

What should we do when the pledges that we send to the Church in good faith that they will support good causes are used to do more harm than good? What should we do when we object to this practice and are told that our suggestions will be “considered.”?

What should we do when our children are being hurt by people that they are supposed to trust, and the people who have the authority and responsibility to do something about it do nothing?

Click below for the answer:



This clip, from United Parishes 1st annual Fall Conference in 2006 may be brief, but it doesn’t need to be one second longer to answer the questions above. This conference featured a panel of the most powerful speakers assembled in our area to address these issues and others in our church.

The panel included:

Kris Ward; VOTF Leader

Claudia Vercellotti, SNAP Leader

Emily Holtel-Hoag, Future Church Representative

Tony Comes, abuse survivor and subject of the highly acclaimed documentary: ‘Twist of Faith’

Dan Thiel, United Parishes President



The second annual Conference is now being planned. Updates will be posted at www.unitedparishesohio.org. Bookmark the page to check back for the latest.

Mt. Carmel sit in

A scene from the documentary "Closed On Sundays" that features an effort to save a parish in Boston from closure.

Voice From The Desert Roundup

Tighter internal financial controls needed:
http://voicefromthedesert.blogspot.com/2007/03/tighter-internal-financial-controls.html

A Proposal For Civil Law to Reform Parishes
http://voicefromthedesert.blogspot.com/2007/03/proposal-for-civil-law-to-reform.html

A new movement

Click the link to find out more. It is called Take Back Our Church.

http://www.takebackourchurch.org/

More from NYC

"What happened here is exactly what the Soviets use to resort to. It was an underhanded thing to do," said Darius Laucius, 39.
..............

Click here for more

A Priest with integrity stands up and then........retires?

Priest who criticized bishop over parish shift is retiring

............

Claudia Vercellotti, local co-coordinator of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, said it was ironic that at a time when the Catholic Church is experiencing a priest shortage, the bishop is forcing into retirement a highly regarded priest who wants to stay in active ministry.

"We can't get priests who molest kids out of there fast enough. But when a priest with integrity stands up for what's right, he's expedited out the back door," Ms. Vercellotti said. "This sends a message to other priests to intimidate them from speaking out."

A church community is locked out

United Parishes will be present at a candle light prayer vigil on Tuesday, March 6th to commemorate this event from one year ago.

Vigil at Our Lady of Vilnius Church, NYC 2/26/07

This event took place recently in New York, and demonstrates that this method transcends diocesan boundaries. A video from the even that took place at St. James one year ago will be posted next.........

Welcome to United Parishes

This blog will allow members of United Parishes to post notices, news, and commentary. We welcome input and discussion.

Thanks,
Steve